i have been keepin up bloggin but only doing it on myspace! my bad lol heres the sotry so far for those who still visit the blog
07 Sep 2008
fried wontons
Current mood: chill
ive always liked friend wontons..i tend to order then whenever i have Chinese food..i know its bad for u but im a fan of it (gotta have it with that sweet/sour sauce).. but there's also much serving in a plate i always had to have with someone else, u know, to lessen the whole 'bad for u' factor..
but i stopped ordering it for a while now, u couldnt finish an entire order myself and i hate doggy baggin it- not the same taste if u leave it in the fridge..
i havent had a friend wonton plate nor i havent a proper fried wonton partner for a while, in part because i have a grading system when im sharing FW with someone: biting then dipping? dip first? how many dips does it take to finish it? messy? chew hard? practically swallows the wonton? so on so forth
also, im not craving fried wontons right now, but i know that the time will come where im gonna have it like crazy and start my own version of fried wonton tournament where i will judge and see who makes the final cut ..
plus, im trying to eat healthy now.
wow- a blog about wontons...lol- well it could be worse, i could be talking about poop..wait if done properly that could be a fairly eloquent post..hmmm?
e.
17 Aug 2008
on the verge of something wonderful
Current mood: artistic
i have a tendency to keep posting lyrics of songs that i like, i think they just resonate when im in a particular frame of mind..
this is the latest.
"On The Verge Of Something Wonderful"
A serpent, a rabbit
A walk in the forest
A tentative looking son
A feeling, a moment
A bursting of bubbles
A panic to overcome
A samurai, an angel
An eloquent table
An AC that does not work
A road trip, a car wreck
A paperback novel
A lover who ain't been hurt
When you let me go
And I'm on my way
When the world below
Is cold and gray
On the verge of
On the verge of something wonderful
A resurgence
On the edge of something wonderful
For it, against it
Said he never meant it
But Harry still dropped the bomb
A trip to, the dentist
The Hollywood blacklist
A moment that time forgot
When you let me go
And I'm on my way
When the world below
Is cold and gray
On the verge of
On the verge of something wonderful
On the edge of
On the verge of something wonderful
You can dance in the devil's shoes
If you like walking in heels
And there's a decent living to be made
In the selling out of ideals
You can lose your way in the big city
Get distracted and lost in being pretty
I want you, I need you
I don't wanna please you
Or belong to anyone
But life is, for leading
For not people pleasing
A race that has never been won
When you let me go
And I'm on my way
When the world below
Is cold and grey
On the verge of
On the verge of something wonderful
On the edge of
On the verge of something wonderful
On the verge of
On the verge of something wonderful
A resurgence
On the edge of something wonderful
10 Aug 2008
jumpstarting
Category: Life
there r times where i emotionally shut down, or emotions go crosswired in my system and i react to situation in ways that, when looking back, seem awfully inappropriate.. maybe its lack of being in touch with myself and being able to speak my feelings or watever has been troubling my own being? - in any event, sometimes i do feel that when emotions (good bad or anything) comes in great waves i shut myself off intentionally, i turn the off button and i wait for a bit..waiting to turn the switch back on and organize the mess i left unattended because i couldnt afford myself to look at it the first time around..but sometimes i just leave it off..and i know im oversimplifying this entire process but bare with me
i wanted to jumpstart a strong emotion that would help me realize that i can feel again, i think ive numbed myself silly and i needed anything external that would smack me in the face and tell me, -even if u shut down eric, u can be able to turn on again, no matter wat..i needed a powersurge..i need to know if i can, to know that im not helpless, that i can rewire myself better for the next time..
and out of all the places, i found it- grey's anatomy:Season 2: cant recall the episode number now but will post it later..the episode involved this mom, diagnosed with terminal cancer and her daughter- this bratty girl who doesnt know about her mom, through out the entire episode mom doesnt have the courage to tell her daughter that she wont be around much longer, while the daughter just pouts and complains . well towards the end of the episode (naturally) mom makes her daughter sit down and explains to her the things that her daughter will go through (her first period, living with her untidy aunt,boyfriends,marriage,her future kids) and the daughter at first doesnt realize why is she telling her these things telling her that shes being quite morbid about the whole situation- but then it hits her..
at this point my face is covered in tears..i needed to relieve this pressure inside me, im not saying that i will pull out that episode whenever i need to feel something but i needed to know if i can still feel?- god, this isnt making much sense when i try to explain it, but it does to me so i guess that a good thing, right?
e.
---
ps:
since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;
wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world
my blood approves,
and kisses are a better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers. Don't cry
- the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids' flutter which says
we are for each other; then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life's not a paragraph
And death i think is no parenthesis
-e. e. cummings
01 May 2008
v
Current mood: busy
Category: tired Life
I was born in a rainy burg in
Nottingham in 1975. I passed my
eleven plus and went to girl's
grammar.
I met my first girlfriend at
school. Her name was Sara. Her
wrists. Her wrists were beautiful.
I sat in biology class staring at
the pickled rabbit fetus while Mr.
Herd said it was an adolescent
phase that people outgrew.
In 1994, I stopped pretending and
took a girl called Christine home
to meet my parents.
A week later I moved to London to
go to college and study drama. My
mother said I broke her heart.
But it was my integrity that was
important. Is that so selfish? It
sells for so little but it's all we
have left in this place...
It is the very last inch of us...
But within that inch we are free.
London. I was happy in London.
I played Dandini in Cinderella.
The world was strange and rustling
with invisible crowds behind the
hot lights and all that breathless
glamour.
Work improved. I got small film
roles, then bigger ones.
In 2006, I starred in "The Salt
Flats." That's where I met Ruth.
We fell in love.
Every Valentine's Day she sent me
roses and, oh god, we had so much.
Those were the best three years of
my life.
In 2010, they came.
And after that there were no more
roses...
Not for anybody.
After the takeover, they started
rounding up the gays. They took
Ruth while she was out looking for
food.
Why are they so frightened of us?
They burned her face with
cigarettes and made her give them
my name. She signed a statement
saying I'd seduced her
I didn't blame her. God, I loved
her but I didn't blame her
But she did.
She killed herself in her cell.
She couldn't live with betraying
me, with giving up that last inch.
Oh, Ruth.
They came for me. They shaved off
my hair. They held my head down a
toilet and told lesbian jokes.
They brought me here and pumped me
full of chemicals.
I can't feel my tongue. I can't
speak.
It is strange that my life should
end in such a terrible place but
for three years I had roses and
apologized to nobody.
I shall die here. Every inch of me
shall perish...
Except one.
An inch. It is small and fragile
and it's the only thing in the
world that's worth having.
We must never lose it or sell it or
give it away. We must never let
them take it from us.
I don't know who you are but I hope
you escape this place. I hope that
the world turns and things get
better and that one day people have
roses again.
I don't know who you are but I love
you. I love you.
Valerie.
-
i remember seeing V for vendetta, saw this particular scene and cried and was scared.
e.
17 Feb 2008
are you a good person?
Current mood: thoughtful
Category: Life
"are you a good person?"
thats what the security guard at the dorm said when i was about to enter the dorms last night. (after a shitty/last shift at spankys)
i stopped dead on my tracks and he conspicuously check my student card to verify its actually me whos in the card. he then handed me my car and ask me.
"are you a good person?"
i didnt know what to answer.
let me repeat that.
i didnt know what to answer.
i just went to a spiral of thoughts.. am i in fact a good person?..i mean im not an evil scientist (but if i had an evil level of intelligence i could consider evil doing as a career choice)..
i mean..what makes someone define themselves as good,isnt it all a matter of perspective?
so, am i a good person?- i dont do good deeds (not that any that i remind of) but i dont go on hurting people, consciously at least..
i do kill bugs that scare me. im jelaous of good design and designers. i hate the process of waking up.or people who wake me up yelling.
im egocentric (or at least theres spikes depending on my mood), i wish ill to some people (hating managers!!!)
sometimes i cant seem to filter what im saying and it may come of assholish, or if i do get to filter my sentence sounds half ass and i sound like i have a mental problem.sigh
so are you a good person? i mean we have the defining bad things in the general moral scope of things.. did u kill, did u do something that hurts someone else intentionally?, did u steal (big stuff,not like hand wipes from spankys*looks away), did you ever lie?, did u not say what youre feeling(under an argument or just withheld from the other person?, did u cheat?..
again..
are you a good person?- is anyone truly a good person?...
i did answer the security guy tho..after a few minutes...
"i dont know- sometimes"
"thats good enough for me son, have a good night"
