"Can't Not"

i'd be lying if I said I was completely unscathed
I might be proving you right with my silence or my retaliation
would I be letting you win in my non reaction?
how would I explain?
how would I explain this to my children if I had them?
because I can't not
because I can't not
because I can't afford to be misread one more time
would I be whining if I said I needed a hug?
would you feel slighted if I said your love's not enough?
how can I complain?
how can I complain when i'm the one who reaches for it?
because I can't not
because I can't not
because I cannot walk without my crutches
because I can't not
because I can't not
because I can't help wonder why you ask me
to all the unheard wisdom in the schoolyard
you think you're the right ones
you think you're the charmed ones i'm sure
how can you go on with such conviction?
and who do you think you are why do you question me?
because we can't not
because we can't not
because we can't help laugh at underestimations
because we can't not
because we can't not
because we can't afford to be misled one more time
because we can't not
because we can't not
because we cannot help without your willingness
why do you affect me? why do you affect me still?
why do you hinder me? why do you hinder me still?
why do you unnerve? why do you unnerve me still?
why do you trigger me? why do you trigger me still?


-AM




so heres to halloween and in a non surprising turn of events..im home...doing work...sigh, well i do have to mention that last week i got totally trashed (10-11 free drinks) but that backed me up a bit cuz im so tight about following work up with more work-most the workaholic in me...

it is halloween and i wanted to dress up as my secret passion since i was little..a doctor! (plus my ever growing obsession with greys anatomy) but i couldnt find the scrubs *sigh another dream fizzled away...but i did so kinda sorta dress up with improv stuff..here ya go

stop the world- i wanna get out

"Live And Learn"

I came home in the morning
And everything was gone
Oh what have I done
I dropped dead in the hallway
Cursing the dawn
Oh come on sun
Why must I burn
I’m just trying to learn

I stared into the light
To kill some of my pain
It was all in vane
Cause no senses remain
But an ache in my body
And regret on my mind
But I’ll be fine

Cause I live and I learn
Yes I live and I learn
If you live you will learn
I live and I learn

God kicked you in the head
So I started a fight
Cause I knew I was right
But I learned I was wrong
I remember a slaughter
I remember I fought
For the money I brought
I got blistered and burned
And lost what I earned

But I live and I learn
Yes I live and I learn

I got, I got it now
She’s got, She’s got it now

I came to one a corner
With some help from a man and goddamn
I don’t see to have learn
That a lady in need is guilty indeed
So I paid and got laid in return
And I don’t know what I’ve learned

Well you get what you give
And hell yes I lived
But if you live as you learn
I don’t think I’d be learned
Oh with the sun in my eyes
Surprise, I’m living a life
But I don’t seem to learn
No I don’t think I can lear

-the cardigans


so im liking that im posting lyrics of songs that im listening to, that have one way or the other some significance to me and my life ...
this is my first friday in a while that ive been able to be home and relax(to some point cuz i can never get some relax time here)..
ive been strongly considering moving out of my house..the babies, the parents, the added stress of home-is definetly not helping with my sane self..ill keep u posted..
as far as school goes, i got my first project done and next week-i got my other project due..ahh the beauties of having no life..fun huh?
i might be goin to this leadership workshop nxt week-hopefully! wee..
what else?-dowloading videos like crazy..ipod and itunes, u r evil!...
im not getting very far with my reading
eric got me hooked with marjane satrapi-and i think im doing a project about her and her artwork/philosophy..
darren recommended "the unbearable lightness of being" by milan kundera. so i will add that to my amazon search...
my teacher recommended 'creative sparks' -erf?
happy for bev now with her job! so yay for her..

ok enough rambling bout my life heres some pics!