Blue Monkey

on sperm (who doesnt love it?)

2008-11-30T21:20:00.001-08:00

DANA

How the [BLEEP] did this happen?!

RICK

Well. It happened because of sperm.

KIRSTEN

Sperm.

DANA

I hate that term.

STEVE

What?!

(sings)

Sperm, sperm is a glorious term, term

Our life is confirmed

By those cute little worms

Who doesn't love sperm?

DANA

Me!

STEVE

Who doesn't love sperm?

RICK

You came to me and Steve

One glorious eve

I shot in a shot glass

To help her conceive.

STEVE

(whispering)

We both went in that glass.

RICK

Be quiet, you ass.

STEVE

Oh, make fun of me?

You worship like Lance Bass.

KIRSTEN

Our plan was well-hatched

But when getting a batch

We hit a rough patch...

STEVE

And some spilled in your--

RICK

Sperm, sperm is a glorious term, term!

CHUCK

If it wasn't for sperm

We'd do it like germs, germs.

KIRSTEN

Germs don't have sex.

CHUCK

Exactly.

(sings)

Who doesn't love sperm?

ALL BUT DANA

Who doesn't love sperm?

DANA

I hate where it comes from

I hate how it feels

I hate how it looks

And how it congeals

KIRSTEN

But it goes with our eggs

It makes us all one

So open your legs

And push out our son!

ALL BUT DANA

Sperm, sperm is a glorious term, term

EVAN

You're 80 percent water

But 50 percent sperm!

ALL BUT DANA

Who doesn't love sperm?!

DANA

Me!

ALL BUT DANA

Who doesn't love sperm?

TOWNSFOLK JOIN IN

Sperm! Sperm! Is a glorious term, term!

Everybody's made of sperm!

Doctors and lawyers and priests on their knees.

FATHER FIGURE

I'm made of sperm!

TOWNSFOLK

Kittens and horsies and birdies in trees!

BIRDIES IN A NEST

Sperm! Sperm! Sperm!

TOWNSFOLK

It's not just for conceptions

It's great at receptions

Re-assembling vases

Moisturize faces

Caulking your tiles

Whitening smiles

Perfume a diner

Build toys in China

With billions of uses

It always amuses

Who doesn't love sperm?!

DANA

Me!

TOWNSFOLK

Who doesn't love sperm?!

Who doesn't love...

STEVE

...Sperm!!

taken from the awesome RICK N STEVE show
woow

e

as sung by noah and the whale

2008-11-26T20:11:00.000-08:00

Well I know my death will not come
'Til I breathe all the air out my lungs
'Til my final tune is sung
That all is fleeting
Yeah, but all is good
And my love is my whole being
And I've shared what I could
But if you give a little love, you can get a little love of your own
Don't break his heart
Yeah if you give a little love, you can get a little love of your own
Don't break his heart

Well my heart is bigger than the earth
And though life is what gave it love first
Life is not all that it's worth
'Cause life is fleeting
Yeah, but I love you
And my love surrounds you like an ether
In everything that you do
But if you give a little love, you can get a little love of your own
Don't break his heart
Yeah if you give a little love, you can get a little love of your own
Don't break his heart
Yeah if you give a little love, you can get a little love of your own
Don't break his heart
Yeah if you give a little love, you can get a little love of your own
Don't break his heart

Well if you are (what you love)
And you do (what you love)
I will always be the sun and moon to you
And if you share (with your heart)
Yeah, you give (with your heart)
What you share with the world is what it keeps of you

wow

e.

house cleaning

2008-10-15T21:39:00.000-07:00

i decided to clean my closet, stored all these boxes when i moved to this new house. when my dad decided to move in was in the middle of november when life for me was 1000 km/h with school (finals), work (spankys, sigh) and internship interviews and getting ready for my trip to ecuador, didnt really leave that much time to decide there and then, wat should stay and wat should go. so to avoid all that hassle (lol seriously i barely slept those last months lol i sleep all the time in ecuador) i just packed everything and take care of it later.

well fast foward october, i scrutinized wat was in those boxes and of course i stored lots of crap, seriously! so i chuck most of it out (i guess its less for me to travel around when i move out) but i stopped big time when i found the box where i kept my musings, from cards, letters, postits, drawings, arts & crafts, etc, i guess it was my personal box, stuff that other people think would be pointless to hold on too (cinic's?) but to me meant (and still does) a lot to me.

i found bevs fabulous bday cards (so, you wanna make out?), fish's welcome to the old farts club message, jessica's justification why she should write BROW instead of brother, notes from lovers that honestly i took a bit to remember who they were in the first place (thanks myspace), HS sweetheart poems -incredibly corny but i couldnt help but smile (never knew who that secret admirer was in the end), pics from the school era, MN memories and nyc college life and peps in general.- everyone who shares a big part of my gratitude for being in my life and i cannot thank you enough for being there and forming part in my upbringing- because i realized how sheltered i was in ecuador till i literally got pulled out of that orange country state of mind and face the world head on..

so yeah- i guess this is a thanks for everyone. wat started as a big purging of space in my life - made me realized in the end that some stuff, even if it takes some space does have a purpose being there and keeping it there to remind you, you are loved- on some degree or other..

also, alanis played this song at her concert, sounded familiar and darren shed light on the song from pj harvey.. god! i love a great tune and insightful lyrics!

we float
We wanted to find love
We wanted success
Until nothing was enough
Until my middle name was excess
And somehow I lost touch
When you went out of sight
When you got lost into the city
Got lost into the night

I was in need of help
Heading to black out
'Til someone told me run on in honey
Before somebody blows your goddam' brains out
You shop-lifted as a child
I had a model's smile
You carried all my hopes
Until something broke inside

But now we float
Take life as it comes

So will we die of shock?
Die without a trial
Die on Good Friday
While holding each other tight
This is kind of about you
This is kind of about me
We just kind of lost our way
But we were looking to be free

But one day we'll float
Take life as it comes

wow

e.

i did a project on this book 2nd semester

2008-09-30T16:10:00.000-07:00

a quote still resonates.

"Siddhartha learns that one cannot have pleasure without giving it...Kamala taught him that lovers should not separate from each other after making love without admiring each other. without being conquered as well as conquering, so that no feeling of satiation or desolation arises nor the horrid feeling of misusing or having been misused"

major cleaning my stuff right now..

just thought i keep in touch

wow

e.

the story so far...

2008-09-07T06:34:00.000-07:00

i have been keepin up bloggin but only doing it on myspace! my bad lol heres the sotry so far for those who still visit the blog

07 Sep 2008

fried wontons
Current mood: chill

ive always liked friend wontons..i tend to order then whenever i have Chinese food..i know its bad for u but im a fan of it (gotta have it with that sweet/sour sauce).. but there's also much serving in a plate i always had to have with someone else, u know, to lessen the whole 'bad for u' factor..
but i stopped ordering it for a while now, u couldnt finish an entire order myself and i hate doggy baggin it- not the same taste if u leave it in the fridge..
i havent had a friend wonton plate nor i havent a proper fried wonton partner for a while, in part because i have a grading system when im sharing FW with someone: biting then dipping? dip first? how many dips does it take to finish it? messy? chew hard? practically swallows the wonton? so on so forth
also, im not craving fried wontons right now, but i know that the time will come where im gonna have it like crazy and start my own version of fried wonton tournament where i will judge and see who makes the final cut ..
plus, im trying to eat healthy now.

wow- a blog about wontons...lol- well it could be worse, i could be talking about poop..wait if done properly that could be a fairly eloquent post..hmmm?

e.

17 Aug 2008

on the verge of something wonderful
Current mood: artistic

i have a tendency to keep posting lyrics of songs that i like, i think they just resonate when im in a particular frame of mind..

this is the latest.

"On The Verge Of Something Wonderful"

A serpent, a rabbit
A walk in the forest
A tentative looking son
A feeling, a moment
A bursting of bubbles
A panic to overcome

A samurai, an angel
An eloquent table
An AC that does not work
A road trip, a car wreck
A paperback novel
A lover who ain't been hurt

When you let me go
And I'm on my way
When the world below
Is cold and gray

On the verge of
On the verge of something wonderful
A resurgence
On the edge of something wonderful

For it, against it
Said he never meant it
But Harry still dropped the bomb
A trip to, the dentist
The Hollywood blacklist
A moment that time forgot

When you let me go
And I'm on my way
When the world below
Is cold and gray

On the verge of
On the verge of something wonderful
On the edge of
On the verge of something wonderful

You can dance in the devil's shoes
If you like walking in heels
And there's a decent living to be made
In the selling out of ideals
You can lose your way in the big city
Get distracted and lost in being pretty

I want you, I need you
I don't wanna please you
Or belong to anyone
But life is, for leading
For not people pleasing
A race that has never been won

When you let me go
And I'm on my way
When the world below
Is cold and grey

On the verge of
On the verge of something wonderful
On the edge of
On the verge of something wonderful
On the verge of
On the verge of something wonderful
A resurgence
On the edge of something wonderful

10 Aug 2008

jumpstarting
Category: Life

there r times where i emotionally shut down, or emotions go crosswired in my system and i react to situation in ways that, when looking back, seem awfully inappropriate.. maybe its lack of being in touch with myself and being able to speak my feelings or watever has been troubling my own being? - in any event, sometimes i do feel that when emotions (good bad or anything) comes in great waves i shut myself off intentionally, i turn the off button and i wait for a bit..waiting to turn the switch back on and organize the mess i left unattended because i couldnt afford myself to look at it the first time around..but sometimes i just leave it off..and i know im oversimplifying this entire process but bare with me

i wanted to jumpstart a strong emotion that would help me realize that i can feel again, i think ive numbed myself silly and i needed anything external that would smack me in the face and tell me, -even if u shut down eric, u can be able to turn on again, no matter wat..i needed a powersurge..i need to know if i can, to know that im not helpless, that i can rewire myself better for the next time..

and out of all the places, i found it- grey's anatomy:Season 2: cant recall the episode number now but will post it later..the episode involved this mom, diagnosed with terminal cancer and her daughter- this bratty girl who doesnt know about her mom, through out the entire episode mom doesnt have the courage to tell her daughter that she wont be around much longer, while the daughter just pouts and complains . well towards the end of the episode (naturally) mom makes her daughter sit down and explains to her the things that her daughter will go through (her first period, living with her untidy aunt,boyfriends,marriage,her future kids) and the daughter at first doesnt realize why is she telling her these things telling her that shes being quite morbid about the whole situation- but then it hits her..

at this point my face is covered in tears..i needed to relieve this pressure inside me, im not saying that i will pull out that episode whenever i need to feel something but i needed to know if i can still feel?- god, this isnt making much sense when i try to explain it, but it does to me so i guess that a good thing, right?

e.

---
ps:

since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;

wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world

my blood approves,
and kisses are a better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers. Don't cry
- the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids' flutter which says

we are for each other; then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life's not a paragraph

And death i think is no parenthesis

-e. e. cummings

01 May 2008

v
Current mood: busy
Category: tired Life

I was born in a rainy burg in
Nottingham in 1975. I passed my
eleven plus and went to girl's
grammar.
I met my first girlfriend at
school. Her name was Sara. Her
wrists. Her wrists were beautiful.
I sat in biology class staring at
the pickled rabbit fetus while Mr.
Herd said it was an adolescent
phase that people outgrew.
In 1994, I stopped pretending and
took a girl called Christine home
to meet my parents.
A week later I moved to London to
go to college and study drama. My
mother said I broke her heart.
But it was my integrity that was
important. Is that so selfish? It
sells for so little but it's all we
have left in this place...
It is the very last inch of us...
But within that inch we are free.
London. I was happy in London.
I played Dandini in Cinderella.
The world was strange and rustling
with invisible crowds behind the
hot lights and all that breathless
glamour.
Work improved. I got small film
roles, then bigger ones.
In 2006, I starred in "The Salt
Flats." That's where I met Ruth.
We fell in love.
Every Valentine's Day she sent me
roses and, oh god, we had so much.
Those were the best three years of
my life.
In 2010, they came.
And after that there were no more
roses...
Not for anybody.
After the takeover, they started
rounding up the gays. They took
Ruth while she was out looking for
food.
Why are they so frightened of us?
They burned her face with
cigarettes and made her give them
my name. She signed a statement
saying I'd seduced her
I didn't blame her. God, I loved
her but I didn't blame her
But she did.
She killed herself in her cell.
She couldn't live with betraying
me, with giving up that last inch.
Oh, Ruth.
They came for me. They shaved off
my hair. They held my head down a
toilet and told lesbian jokes.
They brought me here and pumped me
full of chemicals.
I can't feel my tongue. I can't
speak.
It is strange that my life should
end in such a terrible place but
for three years I had roses and
apologized to nobody.
I shall die here. Every inch of me
shall perish...
Except one.
An inch. It is small and fragile
and it's the only thing in the
world that's worth having.
We must never lose it or sell it or
give it away. We must never let
them take it from us.
I don't know who you are but I hope
you escape this place. I hope that
the world turns and things get
better and that one day people have
roses again.
I don't know who you are but I love
you. I love you.

Valerie.

-

i remember seeing V for vendetta, saw this particular scene and cried and was scared.

e.

17 Feb 2008

are you a good person?
Current mood: thoughtful
Category: Life

"are you a good person?"

thats what the security guard at the dorm said when i was about to enter the dorms last night. (after a shitty/last shift at spankys)

i stopped dead on my tracks and he conspicuously check my student card to verify its actually me whos in the card. he then handed me my car and ask me.

"are you a good person?"

i didnt know what to answer.

let me repeat that.

i didnt know what to answer.

i just went to a spiral of thoughts.. am i in fact a good person?..i mean im not an evil scientist (but if i had an evil level of intelligence i could consider evil doing as a career choice)..

i mean..what makes someone define themselves as good,isnt it all a matter of perspective?

so, am i a good person?- i dont do good deeds (not that any that i remind of) but i dont go on hurting people, consciously at least..

i do kill bugs that scare me. im jelaous of good design and designers. i hate the process of waking up.or people who wake me up yelling.

im egocentric (or at least theres spikes depending on my mood), i wish ill to some people (hating managers!!!)

sometimes i cant seem to filter what im saying and it may come of assholish, or if i do get to filter my sentence sounds half ass and i sound like i have a mental problem.sigh

so are you a good person? i mean we have the defining bad things in the general moral scope of things.. did u kill, did u do something that hurts someone else intentionally?, did u steal (big stuff,not like hand wipes from spankys*looks away), did you ever lie?, did u not say what youre feeling(under an argument or just withheld from the other person?, did u cheat?..

again..

are you a good person?- is anyone truly a good person?...

i did answer the security guy tho..after a few minutes...

"i dont know- sometimes"

"thats good enough for me son, have a good night"

2007-07-16T08:46:00.001-07:00

in the end -scotth matthews

We all bear the scars
Yes, we all fail in love
We all sigh in the dark
Get cut off before we start

And as the first act begins
You realize they're all waiting
For a fall, for a flaw
For the end.

There's a path stained with tears
Could you talk to quiet my fears?
Could pull me aside
Just to acknowledge that I've tried
And as your last breath begins
Contently take it in
Cause we all...get it in...
...the end.

And as your last breath begins
You find your demon's your best friend
And we all...get it in...
...the end.

----

AWESOME!pride was awesome and summer is passing by real quickly and im resting my head a bit..
waiting for august where all the trips are happening..let u know later for fear of jinxing..
im really just catching up with myself and resting...bought a new game Tomb Raider and enjoying the summer blockbuster movies..last one being Transformers!!!
oh i saw a store that had my name and im gonna sue them!

i felt the summer rain while listening to Hey Man by nelly furtado...nice feelings...

wow

eric r

french and saunders

2007-06-29T10:49:00.000-07:00

yesss

2007-05-24T11:20:00.000-07:00

Bjork- Earth Intruders

We are the earth intruders
We are the earth intruders
Muddy with twigs and branches
A-haaaaaa!

Turmoil! Carnaaaaa-ge!

Here come the earth intruders
We are the paratroopers
The beat of sharpshooters
Comes straight from voodoo

With our feet thumbing
With our feet marching
Grinding the skeptics into the soil

Shower of goodness coming to end the doubt—pouring over
Shower of goodness coming to end

We are the earth intruders
We are the sharpshooters
Flock of parachuters
Necessary voodoo

I have guided my bones through some voltage
And love them still
And love them too

Metallic
Carnage
Furiousity
Feel the speed!

We are the earth intruders
We are the sharpshooters,
Flock of parachuters
Necessary voodoo

There is turmoil out there
Carnage! Rambling!
What is to do but dig
Dig bones out of earth

Mud graves
[Earth Intruders lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

Timber
Morbid trenches

Here come the earth intruders
There’ll be no resistance
We are the cannoneers
Necessary voodoo

And the beast with many heads and arms rolling
Steamroller!

We are the earth intruders
We are the earth intruders
Muddy with twigs and branches

Forgive this tribe!

We are the earth intruders
We are the earth intruders
Muddy with twigs and branches

We are the earth intruders
Muddy with twigs and branches

We are the earth intruders
A-haaaaa!

We are the earth intruders
Muddy with twigs and branches
Marching!

We are the earth intruders
Muddy with twigs and branches
Marching!

March

March

March

We are the earth intruders
Muddy with twigs and branches
Marching voodoo!

----

ohhh damien rice concert in radio city music hall...hot! hes such a great live performer, too bad lisa and him parted ways...

-----

KARAOKE NIGHT!!! for kellys bday...eric christina sam kelly and i partied it up-ratifying that i will never have a singing career, and i cant dance toxic...
oh this happened after school so theres no particular chronological order

watch the video and laughhhhhhhoh sweet self deprecating humor
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8if6nNdd41U

so another year is over guys!
i am officially a senior, which is exciting and scary and depressing...

so i will start with some pics from the older seniors, we took care of the show and we just had a blast with the ladies...

the senior show made me all very uncomfortable in the end, their stuff was amazing! and im totally gonna try my best so that our show kicks ass..but its gonnabe hard1! ugh...

oh! and as everyone can see...ive been keeping the hair long...its been without any major cut since january..so im keeping it long, see how i go with it- sorry bev :)

what else? changing houses and all- which is crazy as it is so everyones stress levels are on the roof...

summer classes started also...fun fun..Art IN NY (museum visits galore) and East Asian ART and Civilization...funfun... not taking an intership no cuz of that..maybe after? i dont know- i have half of the people saying i should fight for one and the other half tellin me not to..i dont know i wanna travel..why consumer ourselves with work, maybe i just wanna chillax...WINNIE THE POOH STYLE!

anyho lets publish this!

wow

eric r

im baaaacccckkkk

2007-03-28T13:17:00.000-07:00

edie brickell- circle

Me, I'm a part of your circle of friends
and we notice you don't come around
Me, I think it all depends
on you touching ground with us.
But, I quit. I give up.
Nothing's good enough for anybody else
it seems.
And I quit. I give up.
Nothing's good enough for anybody else
it seems.

And being alone
is the best way to be.
When I'm by myself it's
the best way to be.
When I'm all alone it's
the best way to be.
When I'm by myself
nobody else can say goodbye.

Everything is temporary anyway.
When the streets are wet --
the color slip into the sky.
But I don't know why that means you and I are
- that means you and....
I quit -- I give up.
Nothin's good enough for anybody else it seems.
But I quit. I give up.
Nothing's good enough for anybody else it seems.

And being alone
is the best way to be.
When I'm by myself it's
the best way to be.
When I'm all alone it's
the best way to be.
When I'm by myself
nobody else can say...

Me, I'm a part of your circle of friends
and we notice you don't come around.

Halalalalalala

***

okokokok my bad and im sorry, i tried...i tried soooo hard.. i did, honest to god i did...

i will update better...

wanted to do a valentines one...but as usual, school and 'other things' and by other things i mean that lil piece of my life called Home?...

sigh

im fine though, for the most part...school is goin fine...i think im getting better at this whole packaging thing

still looking for an internship (maybe) but...if i cant get it..means a summer class and ECUADOR ! maybe even freelance...hey! its a living...but our teachrs encourage us not to go on internships so im not fully goin for it...yeah, its a first when teachers encourage u to not look for internships...well encourage is a bad use of word, more like recommend..

hmm, ill see what happens...

i should be studying for a quiz now..but my mind pushed me to blog..and i know bev hates when i blog about my life, but this particular blog just keeps the people i dont talk to often enough, in touch with my daily occurrences, which, thanks to school are not that many

sigh x 2

pic time though!

MY CLASS!PKG

promise ill update u better

you r all in my heart

wow

eric r

unprodigal

2006-12-29T07:05:00.000-08:00

"Unprodigal Daughter"

I had disengaged to avoid being totaled
I would run away and say good riddance, soon enough
I had grown disgusted by your small-minded ceiling
Imagine myself bolting had not been difficult
Soon be my life
Soon be my pace
Soon be my choice of which you'll have no part of
Unprodigial daughter and I'm heading for the west
Disenchanted daughter and this plane cannot fly fast enough
Unencumbered daughter hit the ground running at last
I'd invite you but I'm busy being unoppressed
I hit the ground running, although I know not what toward
I hit the town feeling, forgetting all that came before
I felt primed and ready, once surrounded by the pawns
I felt culture shocked, but dissuaded, I was not
This is my town
This is my voice
This is my taste of which you've have no part of
Unprodigial daughter and I'm heading for the west
Disenchanted daughter and this plane cannot fly fast enough
Unencumbered daughter hit the ground running at last
I'd invite you but I'm busy being unoppressed
One day I'll saddle back and speak of foreign adventures
One day I'll double back and tell you about these unfettered years
One day I'll look back and feel something other than relieved
Glad that I left when I did before, I know you, you can't get the best of me
When I'd speak of artistry you would roll your eyes skyward
When I'd speak of spirituality you would label it absurd
When I spoke of possibility you would frown and shake your head
If I had stayed much longer, I'd have surely imploded
These are my words
This is my house
These are my friends of which you've had no part
Unprodigial daughter and I'm heading for the west
Disenchanted daughter and this plane cannot fly fast enough
Unencumbered daughter hit the ground running at last
I'd invite you but I'm busy being unoppressed
Unprodigial daughter and I'm heading for the west
Disenchanted daughter and this plane cannot fly fast enough
Unencumbered daughter hit the ground running at last
I'd invite you but I'm busy being unoppressed

-am

ok so im in ecuador for winter vacation..i cant even begin (wait ive started already) expresing how great is the air over here, my fmaily, my friends...im just plain happy..
heres the catch, im happy cuz i never get to see them but i overall cant see myself living here at this point of my life..the world still calls my name and i ride the first plane out of here...so home has become more like a 'safe home/recharge your batteries here) which is very necessary if u live in a place like nyc..
nyc and cuenca, theyre both very different places, culturaly and emotionally for me..
in nyc-i do my thing, im colder, i study,i do errands im not supposed to do but do it anyways,i hang with my friends but feel that sometimes they dont know 'me', i have changed subjects when the other person is talking about his/her problem, i think im a bad bf or a bad date in most occasions,ive commuted for about 2 hr a day, im tired most of the time, people are less attached to each other, ive seen the best and worst this city can give you..
in cuenca-i laugh more, i sleep more, when i was in school i still did good, i didnt party taht much anyways, i had more in-depth conversations that put u in a higher level here, ive talked about life, love, experiences, stuff that i havent really talked about in usa,im more worried bout my family when im here,i travel more here, people are so warm here...
so maybe listing stuff isnt exactly helping, but if write what i feel its not gonna b bugging me anymore, like branistorming ideas for school..they wont bother you anymore and you can evolve what you are thinking
im lucky to have tania here, she pushes me that way, she makes me talk about stuff that makes me uncomfortable, thing that only a few (vary few) can..so i hope to have more to share (well enough for you guys anyways)

i will share pics and more later...cuz im about to enter this though level in final fantasy xii and all, you understand

wow

eric

nervious

2006-12-12T07:11:00.001-08:00

"9 Crimes"
(feat. Lisa Hannigan)

Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I do
It's the wrong kind of place
To be thinking of you
It's the wrong time
For somebody new
It's a small crime
And I've got no excuse

Is that alright?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright?
If u don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it
Is that alright?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright
With you?

Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I do
It's the wrong kind of place
To be cheating on you
It's the wrong time
She's pulling me through
It's a small crime
And I've got no excuse

Is that alright?
I give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright?
If you dont shoot it, how am I supposed to hold it
Is that alright?
I give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright
Is that alright with you?

Is that alright?
I give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright?
If you don't shoot it, how am I supposed to hold it
Is that alright?
If I give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright
Is that alright with you?

Is that alright?
Is that alright?
Is that alright with you?
Is that alright?
Is that alright?
Is that alright with you?

No...

- damien rice

the faculty is reviewing my work of my first semester in the packaging design program right now....im nervious....

*sigh

wow

eric

ps: get the new damien rice cd!!! its awesome

2006-12-12T07:11:00.000-08:00

2006-10-31T20:17:00.000-08:00

"Can't Not"

i'd be lying if I said I was completely unscathed
I might be proving you right with my silence or my retaliation
would I be letting you win in my non reaction?
how would I explain?
how would I explain this to my children if I had them?
because I can't not
because I can't not
because I can't afford to be misread one more time
would I be whining if I said I needed a hug?
would you feel slighted if I said your love's not enough?
how can I complain?
how can I complain when i'm the one who reaches for it?
because I can't not
because I can't not
because I cannot walk without my crutches
because I can't not
because I can't not
because I can't help wonder why you ask me
to all the unheard wisdom in the schoolyard
you think you're the right ones
you think you're the charmed ones i'm sure
how can you go on with such conviction?
and who do you think you are why do you question me?
because we can't not
because we can't not
because we can't help laugh at underestimations
because we can't not
because we can't not
because we can't afford to be misled one more time
because we can't not
because we can't not
because we cannot help without your willingness
why do you affect me? why do you affect me still?
why do you hinder me? why do you hinder me still?
why do you unnerve? why do you unnerve me still?
why do you trigger me? why do you trigger me still?

-AM

so heres to halloween and in a non surprising turn of events..im home...doing work...sigh, well i do have to mention that last week i got totally trashed (10-11 free drinks) but that backed me up a bit cuz im so tight about following work up with more work-most the workaholic in me...

it is halloween and i wanted to dress up as my secret passion since i was little..a doctor! (plus my ever growing obsession with greys anatomy) but i couldnt find the scrubs *sigh another dream fizzled away...but i did so kinda sorta dress up with improv stuff..here ya go

stop the world- i wanna get out

2006-10-13T19:27:00.000-07:00

"Live And Learn"

I came home in the morning
And everything was gone
Oh what have I done
I dropped dead in the hallway
Cursing the dawn
Oh come on sun
Why must I burn
I’m just trying to learn

I stared into the light
To kill some of my pain
It was all in vane
Cause no senses remain
But an ache in my body
And regret on my mind
But I’ll be fine

Cause I live and I learn
Yes I live and I learn
If you live you will learn
I live and I learn

God kicked you in the head
So I started a fight
Cause I knew I was right
But I learned I was wrong
I remember a slaughter
I remember I fought
For the money I brought
I got blistered and burned
And lost what I earned

But I live and I learn
Yes I live and I learn

I got, I got it now
She’s got, She’s got it now

I came to one a corner
With some help from a man and goddamn
I don’t see to have learn
That a lady in need is guilty indeed
So I paid and got laid in return
And I don’t know what I’ve learned

Well you get what you give
And hell yes I lived
But if you live as you learn
I don’t think I’d be learned
Oh with the sun in my eyes
Surprise, I’m living a life
But I don’t seem to learn
No I don’t think I can lear

-the cardigans

so im liking that im posting lyrics of songs that im listening to, that have one way or the other some significance to me and my life ...
this is my first friday in a while that ive been able to be home and relax(to some point cuz i can never get some relax time here)..
ive been strongly considering moving out of my house..the babies, the parents, the added stress of home-is definetly not helping with my sane self..ill keep u posted..
as far as school goes, i got my first project done and next week-i got my other project due..ahh the beauties of having no life..fun huh?
i might be goin to this leadership workshop nxt week-hopefully! wee..
what else?-dowloading videos like crazy..ipod and itunes, u r evil!...
im not getting very far with my reading
eric got me hooked with marjane satrapi-and i think im doing a project about her and her artwork/philosophy..
darren recommended "the unbearable lightness of being" by milan kundera. so i will add that to my amazon search...
my teacher recommended 'creative sparks' -erf?
happy for bev now with her job! so yay for her..

ok enough rambling bout my life heres some pics!

meeting alpha, but leaving with omega

2006-09-29T20:46:00.000-07:00

In The Sun

I picture you in the sun wondering what went wrong
And falling down on your knees asking for sympathy
And being caught in between all you wish for and all you seen
And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in

May God’s love be with you
Always
May God’s love be with you

I know I would apologize if I could see your eyes
’Cause when you showed me myself I became someone else
But I was caught in between all you wish for and all you need
I picture you fast asleep
A nightmare comes
You can’t keep awake

May God’s love be with you
Always
May God’s love be with you

’Cause if I find
If I find my own way
How much will I find
If I find
If I find my own way
How much will I find
You

I don’t know anymore
What it’s for
I’m not even sure
If there is anyone who is in the sun
Will you help me to understand
’Cause I been caught in between all I wish for and all I need
Maybe you’re not even sure what it’s for
Any more than me

May God’s love be with you
Always
May God’s love be with you

----

lotsa school work, regular work and deling with the rents (parents)...sigh i need a vacation! whos with me!
met with darren though, u know, that coworker from the former BC..i think everytime we talk i feel like im reviewing my life..like with daniela - theres a flow of ideas and philosophies which is sooo very appreciated

now on a more materialistic tone, i got the sorta new by now ipod video, so after simone,kay,tress and tress redux (the names of all my ipods) which all where destroyed (damn apple) i have tofu..my new ipod..sigh heres for another 6 months!

i just finished seeing greys anatomy season 2...i love it!!!!! nuff said..

im just so crazy with school..lol lemme catch my breath!

ok off i go for more hw to be done!

wow

eric

pS: the lyrics are from 'in the sun'-coldplay....its appropiate...

pss: wait theres another thing...there was an episode of greys where the mother was telling the daughter that shes gonna die and that she has to keep herself well and studious and all that..broke my heart and made me cry ...im sorry it was more like sobbing...i guess its the inside of me asking for mum...i miss her and i cant wait to go back home..now im out!~

short..but to the point

2006-09-21T22:49:00.000-07:00

loving greys anatomy season 2 now....nuff said!

bday and the some

2006-09-19T21:53:00.000-07:00

so apparently i lack the drive to push myself to have more updates on my journal..i think im doing the once every 2 weeks or so..which i guess in term is fine cuz in all actuality, i have no life as soon as school starts..the end!
it was my bday this past thursday (for those who forgot, hallmark has an awesome belated card selection) but to be honest all the people that made such an impression in my life where present one day or the other to wish me a happy bday, which is all fuzzy feely inside...its good to know people love you, even if what i had plan is so low key it had its own charms...
i shold carry my camera more often (note to self)
heres some pics from school and lunhc with my friends!

me feeding kelli liver!!!1
if the school thing doesnt work...sam and i will modelswear to god this video conference was bout school!
yes im lazy and yes thats fine with me
i should have the bday pics soon up..bev had the camera so as soon as she gets the chance to send em ill upload...
again thank you guys for and incredible year, i love u all from the deep of my loin..

heres for another year!

wow

eric

week 2

2006-09-06T20:08:00.000-07:00

well week two is about to end...im in y junior year at school and it seems that its gonna be a tuffie, which i love so im ok with it..
im also pyshced with my class, slowly were coming together and figuring out where we stand as designers and as a class..but surely theres drama ahead- not that i like it but c'mon, in this filed theres some cat fighting here and there..i also happy to be with some of the people ive been with since freshman year, i bounce off ideas and i feed out of their creative juices...
oh an dby the way i was in MN a few weeks back! absolutely loved the place, i fell in love all over again..its so different from NYC, it has so much untapped potential..i will definetly look into staying there next summer for an extended period of time, for an internship or just a summer job..kudos for the medigers for taking me in, felt like old times...seeing some familiar faces was nice too! by the way marta from italy is in NYC right now..i think were going to diner tomorrow, hopefully our schedules will not collide..
i also did some water activities over there...i dont have the pics with me, but as i can ill post em, im so proud of myself...

heres for a productive 5th semester...

wow

eric

how madonna cued me

2006-08-28T18:42:00.000-07:00

so its been a while since ive been trying to tell my bro im gay..i mean my sister and my mom(who by the way asked me how my loev life is, great improvement)...
my bro visits every year..last year my sister did and i pushed back the moment to tell her until she was finding herself partying with my friends at local gay guy...needless to say she figured that one out
but with JP i had to approach it differently, since hes the oldest, he could be a more "conservative" to the whole ordeal..
so we went to see a movie (my treat!) we were goin to see 'little miss sunshine', a very nice movie i might add i totally recommend it..and it felt just right to tell him that night, i just had to figure out the right timing (im always waiting for those 'right' things-helps me push back things till the last minute)...
so i was drinving us home and all of the sudden, old school madonna plays "border line"..my brother says its madonnas first hit, but u know us-family folk know better-'into the groove' was madonnas first hit, duh! (red flag)
well my bro remebers this song-he liked madonna, so he started singing out loud the lyrics to it..man, i dont even know the lyrics, i only know facts!..but it was nice to hear him sing..
so after the song i knew it..if madonna came to me and gave me the green light-it means its time!!!
but of course i took a long ass time, trying to soften the blow, explaing the meaning of life and where i stand...yeah, lot of bs...u know, to soften the blow...
-"you know jp, theres a reason why i dont date girls, and a reason why all the girls i know are my best friends and thats it...u can figure it out from there.."
-"yeah i know....but what about when u wanna have kids"
*sigh

but overall hes good with it, which im happy...now that my bros know..they can compare notes and try to find all those red flags they noticed when i was little!! yay...

and yeah, my brother still asked me through the night "how can i do the baby thing"...

wow

eric

airports and offers to the air god

2006-08-17T21:32:00.000-07:00

so the flight to MN was a smooth one..i like airport as i previously said and i also like connecting flights, mostly because they cram all they can from the city and state where the airport is, it just feels like you visited the entire place in just one or two hours..

there was tragedy though...i fell asleep on one of my flights and i was reading my "rise and fall of gay culture" and next thing i know i wake up with no book at all on my lap...WTF!!! i figured the air god wanted to take a read cuz no matter where i looked..that book was nowhere to be found, dammit it seems like i will never finish reading that book...

MN is still as gorgeous as ever..very quiet and cricket friendly, bev would shoot herself here...but its so nice and even though i like to consider myself a city boy..here, i can definetly say i can relax...its a blast to see family and friends again and ctaching up and seeing who got screwed up in life, makes me feel better about myself lol j/k i kid kid...

so yeah probably do a lot more heavy thinking here...lord knows i need it...

on the love front..meh, rather quiet now...i rather not get into it here (hate going on a in depth personal blurb when it involves people i know and the internet, its not cool and its not my moma raised me to be) but i do have to disagree with how this entire issue is being handled but hey! ill sit here and pet all my army of monkeys and have that thoughtful stare over the prairie..

*scratches monkeys head

wow

eric

holding babies

2006-08-03T19:55:00.000-07:00

im learning to hold the new baby..its what i do now that i have time to help round the house (baby wise) ..alex is a very quiet kid, doesnt complain that much...when he does, he just wants someone to hold him for a minute or two then he will get quiet,smile (ot at least i like to think so) and fall asleep for the next few hours..
so it got me thinking in a bigger context... we all essentially long for someone to 'hold us'..it doesnt necesarily mean in a romatnci way..but it could be a friendship that never fails, maybe someone that listens, an IM- so many ways to reach for someone that just needs you..
when i look at alex., it just puts everything in perspective..its like i have this pudgy baby (yes i fat one) just crying..hoping to get holded consoled maybe...

wow i got so much work to do with myself..

on a happier-less introspective note
heres chris (gee today is toddler day) attempting to eat yogourt.

5

2006-07-27T20:15:00.000-07:00

yep...and so they were five...let me introduce to Alex..you see Alex is more of a thoughtful baby..a quiet one...a one that looks around and doesnt cry that much..and when he does..it sounds like a shriek..yes..this is my 4th brother now..well 3rd technically (my sis will remain the sole sister apparently)

hes very contemplative- he might did bjork better..i kinda lost chris to barney..damn dinosaur!

work is still very busy..but almost over!

waiting gig is alright...might love some more shifts!

therapy is getting me a bit better whole wise...i have been recommended to read this book

"The Dance of Intimacy: A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships"- a very old book-but it might reveal some stuff- dont let the title misguide you..well..i am a budaca after all lol...

and im actually trying to immerse myslef with "the rise and fall of gay culture" so ill let u know about that..

also i just finisehd reading "memorias de mis putas tristes" by gabriel garcia marquez...his lastest book...an awesome right..very light to what hes used to do but his style carries through like no other!

went to the concert of damien rice and fiona apple in the last minute, thanks cassie!! damien was an awesome performer..i wish i could hear more of his stuff live..his co-vocalist lisa...sooo hottt..ill post the pics later, as soon as i get cassie to send em!

anyho thats it for me now...

wow

eric

i poop on you!

2006-07-14T19:24:00.000-07:00

so i had a revelation in the bathroom of the office i intern in...and this is going to sound gross..but ive realized if i do the number 2 in some other place than home-it means that that certain place makes me feel comfortable...and im relieved to find that out...

on other news (smooth trnasition)- project runway 3 started on wednesday...ahhhh im addicted!!! more because of the creativity that pours out of that show -its intoxicating. i even hooked my dad to it..we were discussing the last segment (where all the designers show their finished pieces) and we were both so into it...

i also got my dad (and myself hooked too) to "its alwasys sunny in philadelphia"..freaking wrong-funny show...and im also recording (hehehe) blade, kyle xy and the new show to watch..

but hey! dont u think im not doing anything to keep myself healthy-im eating more green stuff and goin to the gym (finally) i hope to continue to go to the gym even whne school starts...but i hope to see some resluts..seriously!!

another realization that i havent thought about much till 30 minutes ago..i have the power to raise a child lol...ive seen more than once how parents take care of their newborns..so im set for kids of my own..which wont happen for another 15 years or so.. but hey! ill start with a dog first..

which brings me to charlie..congrats on the dog!

and on a sad note..the hairdresser cut the hair the wrong way and it looks horrible! i wanted to kill him...argh...

*sigh ookk im outies

wow

eric

2006-06-28T07:15:00.000-07:00

well pride came and went, this was my first pride i actually had something going on! last year i was in ecuador and they dont celebrate it as hardcore as i think they should..but here in nyc whole different deal!
had lunch, got drunk, drank some more in a rooftop, cruise boata round nyc then home to sleep!
that sums it up.
u know what i definetly need to research- gay history- definetly one of those under appreciated subject from our people...ill get back to u on that

by the way this is charlie and the husband nate and on the right is paolo with a guy ihad to remove in photoshop to cover his identity-hes famous!

indeed it was a nice pride...oh yeah i got new haircut as u can all see...very short..very convenient!
anyhow i have to get up early for my internship (which by the wya i worte an article for!)

nighters!

wow

eric

fathers day

2006-06-19T04:42:00.000-07:00

so im trying to write something in this card-the meaning of mening a dad
im trying to write something great about the meaning of fathers day
so im trying to write something that would make you feel that u r spending your money is well spent in my education
remember that one time when you were stuck in my room because my older brother was having one of his parties in the house and we had nothing lese to do?
u started to draw and color xmen characters your me (cyclops-your favorite and wolverine-everyone elses favortie and some others), they had such great detail and i watched you with those focused eyes that you do when u r concentrated..
by the time u were doing the others-you were kinda tried and you said your finers were aching-i whined and said 'but i want the xmen collection!" and u proceeded to do so-fingers hurting and all..
so i guess thats what a father is and what he does-he goes that exra mile for his kids, fingers aching and whinning (now mostly from my two other brothers) aside.
so thanks dad!

your son

eric

ps: i still have those drawings- cyclops still looks the est of em all!

sorry cards and screwing up

2006-06-14T06:54:00.000-07:00

so i made abig bobo at work...thought i left the keptchup thing clean enough after the fucker opened in front of me and i had to close it...i had ketchup all over me! lol-but i should have made sure taht the accident that happened in front of me should have been cleaned up..oy!
but u know what i realized? theres not a lot of 'sorry' cards in the card sections where you buy the 'i love you' cards 'happy bday' ones and all that, its like we dont apoologize enough to have hallmark created a bigger variety of sorry cards...
i know saying hard is umm hard enough-thats why we have cards! but maybe we should start saying them in the other persons presence..maybe thats what hallmark is trying to do!! or im just making this one up..
well...sorry!

wow

eric

highways

2006-06-07T19:33:00.000-07:00

ok so lets make this straight...highways scare the crap out of me...specially if i know little to nothing about them..
and let me tell you guys another thing, my instincts on the road are as sharp as ever-which is ratehr ironic since i dont know where im going but i can guess with a 100% accurancy where to go...im still scared shitless though *sigh
anyho..yeah just wanted to say that now, im still shaky...
i have been writting this blog for bit now..getting used to this place which is very cool, but havent got a real chance to play with it..my internship is going well (knock on wood) and the class im taking is sooo boring (yet necessary) but thank god im getting out of the way for next semester..
work is also rather interserting.im helping put but it seems like they are making me do more design work that i though, dont ge tme wrong i love doing it but hey cuz the intern some slack i aint to slave! wait....lol, thats what interns are huh?
oh! i got tickets for fiona apple and damien rice concert in NYC! im excited...

im sweeepy~ yawn...im gonna sign out for now..and remember NO HIGHWAYS

wow

eric

ericrv01

2006-05-26T06:08:00.000-07:00

2338=594=673=XROQDF>2323;328666<:ot1lsi">
ok the continiung blogging to keep me in shape...since i have moderately more time than usual..yay! which will end next week cuz imtaking summer courses and got a few internships going around..
im thinkin about going to MN for a bit.. at the end of august..could happen..see how much i work lol..
ecuador has been reserved for december and january..i think it will be best if i leave then..to skip that weather..i cant deal!!!
x3 has arrived..i heard that there were booing and hissing at the premier..which sux cuz i think even though its bad, you should talk in the movie theaters...stoopids!!
ok goin to gym now (embracind the whole healthy lifestyle deal)

wow

eric

ps: you should def read francesca lia block...interesting read so far....

recovering the password

2006-05-25T03:58:00.000-07:00

err..took me a good while to remember the blog password..go figures...
so now im babysitting at this moment and couldnt help but wonder about my baby bro and the new one coming up..my stepmum has been saying that my lil bro (chris) is gonna be looking up to me..which is frightening in its way..
take for example this situation, i was running my sleeves up, like i do sometimes and chris was watching me and then he started rolling up his sleeves too.. you see thats not frightening! but i was talking in a bigger sense..ive never been an 'older brother' in my life...ive always been the 'middle one' the one that goes in between the cracks-the invisible one-the one thats artsy-the one who lacked color coordination back in the day (or sometimes in the present)..i wonder how my older bro did it?
.
.
.
i have finally joined a gym! costs me 60 bucks though...grrr... im gonna try it this summer-see if i like it and if i see some results dammit! ive never been a gym guy...but im willing to give it a shot! more like a slef-imposed goal...that and eating a bit more healthy....sorta...tee hee...
.
.
.
alright so far so good...trying to get into the neww groove of bloggin...

wow

eric

2006-05-21T21:03:00.000-07:00

arent we cute?

my first post

2006-05-21T20:17:00.000-07:00

ha! if u are reading this now you are aware of the whole "moving form one place to another" as far a blog sites..so yeah..i moved...

*stares blankly

*scratches head

*continues staring

my, so much to say....

well, schools over..thank god! a tuff year as far getting my work done and very demanding classes (like that one time i was in the lab doing this project for 13 hours staright)...but i loved every minute of it..
a lot of changes..a bf! suprisingly enough*knock on wood...new friendships, stronger bonds on the other ones..a better snese of what i want out of my carreer-sorry bev i guess im not the ad material lol
another baby brother on the way..still debating on the name though its either max of alex...oh well..
excited for xmen 3! nuff said...
i got an internship for the summer and theyre paying me (yay)
still working as a waiter, which is not that bad as i sounds...its very laid back and very "must be clam under pressure" situations..the coworkers are as vaired as the rainbow, but very lucky and blessed to have charlie around, hes the big gay former trcuk driver bro i always wanted..
bev has been around since forever and even though weve only known each other for a lil bit over a year, by the way we interact with each otehr you can feel that weve known each other for a lifetime and a day-blessed again ..
its gonna be a fun summer..so much goin on and loving it..
will post more! and pics and letters and pics and...stuff...

thanks for reading, enjoy the ride

im sure am!

wow

eric